does my child need a therapist?

Written By Meg Jones

DOES MY CHILD NEED A THERAPIST?

Symptoms to look for and resources to help get you started… (Based on a post from www.copingskillsforkids.com and updated for Australia)

Wouldn’t it be nice if your child came up to you and said “Mum, I’m quite stressed about my quiz on Friday” or “I’m really anxious about my piano recital”.

While that would be super helpful, most kids don’t have the language to express themselves clearly. Instead, it’s up to us to be stress and anxiety detectives with our children. But what are you looking for and what do you do when you do see it?

WHAT SHOULD I BE LOOKING OUT FOR?

Look for changes in their typical behaviors. Pay attention to the signals your child may be sending you. Keep an eye out, and keep track of what you notice over a few days. Things to monitor:

  • Eating Habits - are they eating more than normal? Less?

  • Sleeping Habits - Are they suddenly not sleeping, or waking up frequently during the night? Are they having nightmares or bad dreams? Are they wetting the bed?

  • School Performance - Have their grades suddenly taken a dip? Are they not getting in their assignments?

  • Changes in Behaviors - Are they acting out at home or at school? Are they getting into fights with friends? Are they talking back more frequently than normal?

  • Moods - Do they seem sad or angry or easily irritable?

  • Somatic Complaints - Are they saying their stomach hurts, or they have a headache, or they feel sick with no other signs of illness?

Keep in mind that everyone has bad days. However, when you start to see multiple symptoms happening over a few days, then it’s time to check in with your child.

QUESTIONS YOU CAN ASK:

If you’ve noticed some changes, and you’re starting to get worried, talk about it with your child. During a calm moment, take them to the side, and have a brief chat, just the two of you. They may or may not share anything, but you’ll never know unless you try. A couple of ideas to get you started:

  • I’ve noticed _________. How are you feeling these days?

  • I’ve seen that ____________. Has anything changed recently?

  • I just wanted to check in because you seem a little different recently. How’s everything going with you?

FOCUS ON WAYS TO COPE

Help them figure out what they can do when they are feeling sad, anxious or worried about something.

MAKE A COPING SKILLS TOOLKIT

  • Create a ready to go kit they can use at any time they are feeling stressed or overwhelmed.

  • Place inside the kit sensory objects, like a stress ball, or fidget toy. Add some notes/cards to remind them of what to do when their “Big” feelings arise. These can be as simple as:

  • Count 5 things you see, 3 things you hear and 1 thing you can feel

  • Take a drink of water

  • Talk about what is happening to someone you feel comfortable with

MAKE A CALM DOWN SPOT AT HOME

  • Kids and teens benefit from having a space where they can calm down and chill out too.

  • A calm down spot can be created at home or at school.

  • Lots of schools at all levels are integrating calm corners/calm down spaces/take a break spots, etc.

  • Here’s information on how to create a calm down spot

SPEND SOME TIME TOGETHER

Sometimes, all it takes is a little down time together to reconnect as a family and reset.

  • Go to the movies

  • Watch a game together

  • Draw something or go for a walk

  • Take time to relax and see if that makes a difference. 

WHEN SHOULD I SEEK MORE HELP?

You’ve tried some interventions and nothing seems to be working, then it’s time to reach out for more help. In particular, if you’ve noticed these symptoms, then it’s time to start creating a support system for your child and your family.

  • Feeling very sad or withdrawn for more than 2 weeks (e.g., crying regularly, feeling fatigued, feeling unmotivated).

  • Out-of-control, risk-taking behaviors that can cause harm to self or others.

  • Sudden overwhelming fear for no reason, sometimes with a racing heart, physical discomfort, or fast breathing.

  • Not eating, throwing up, significant weight loss or gain.

  • Severe mood swings that cause problems in relationships.

  • Repeated use of drugs or alcohol.

  • Drastic changes in behavior, personality or sleeping habits (e.g., waking up early and acting agitated).

  • Extreme difficulty in concentrating or staying still that can lead to failure in school.

  • Intense worries or fears that get in the way of daily activities like hanging out with friends or going to classes.

  • Talk of self-harm or hurting others

HOW AND WHERE TO FIND HELP:

GET A THERAPIST

If you feel like your child needs more help, please seek support for them by finding a therapist. A few good places to start:

Your Paediatrician’s Office: They may have therapists they recommend and refer patients to regularly. Under Medicare, if your GP or paediatrician feel it is warranted, your child may be able to access a Mental Health care plan which entitles them to 10 visits to a psychologist. Check with your doctor to see if this is appropriate. 

Your child’s school counselor: They may have a list of therapists they know and recommend and may have strategies to help.

Your Insurance Provider’s Website: You will know that you are already covered to see that therapist if you start on your own insurance provider’s website.

IF YOUR CHILD NEEDS MORE IMMEDIATE HELP…

  • Call 000 - Let them know what’s going on and they can help direct you on next steps to take.

  • Go to the nearest emergency room.

  • Call a Local Crisis Team

Search “crisis team” and your location, and you should be able to get information about where you can go. Ideally, do this research before a problem arises, put the number in your phone or in an easy to access place so you can use it when you need it.

CALL AN EMERGENCY HOTLINE

  • Lifeline - 13 11 14

  • Kids Helpline - 1800 55 18 00

FIND A COMMUNITY WHO UNDERSTANDS

Peer to Peer Support is so helpful for families. You can get questions answered by families who are coping with similar issues. Facebook groups can also be a wonderful place to get support. Groups like Surviving the Storm, Happy Sensitive Kids Community and Support for Sensory Needs are supportive and helpful groups where you can get information, ideas and suggestions. If there isn’t one in your area, start one!

TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF

One of the best ways for you to help support your child is to learn about your own ways of coping, and teach them by example. You are your child’s first teacher. Show them how you deal with the stressors you face, talk about it, and encourage them to practice with you.

Here are some great articles to help you take care of yourself:


Meg Jones http://www.insightpsychology.org
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